I have often had a few discussions with friends about red pill and I have found that the red pill movement seems to have some influence on men today. There are 2 prominent figures that stick out to me, the first one being Rollo Tomassi, the guy who wrote the book The Rational Male and Andrew Tate who turned out to be Google’s 2022 Most Googled Man in the World. Rollo Tomassi can be said to be the father of the red pill as a lot of the rhetoric in the community uses the same rhetoric from his book. While Andrew Tate is a huge figure in the space also, he shares a lot of the same ideologies as Rollo Tomassi and his message is centered around hypergamy.
Personally, I had looked into both of these guys and their work and I had a few thoughts right away about the things they had to say. When reading Rollo Tomassi’s book the Rational Male, I couldn’t get through half of the book. I remember a lot of the guys in the self-improvement space were recommending it but I quite rapidly saw that I didn’t agree with a lot of the things he was saying, and his rationale was very primitive. While listening to a few interviews with Andrew Tate, I also found a few things that I didn’t resonate with either, he states that his woman is his property, and his mindset seemed to be very old-fashioned in the macho “I’m the man, so you’ll do what I say” kind of way. Those were some of the things that threw me off, but because of interactions with other men my age I feel like I need to write about them so I can help the version of myself who was trying to make sense of these figures and ideologies.
Rethinking Hypergamy and Relationships
One of the main mental models’ people use in the red pill community is hypergamy. It is the phenomena that describes intersexual dynamics. Women choose across or above success hierarchies and men go after women across or below in the success hierarchy. Now, I want to say something that I realized quite quickly – Self-actualization is the only hierarchy you need to pay attention to when attracting a mate.
Red Pill makes the attempt of explaining human nature, but it only explains part of it. Red Pill is primarily focusing on primal human nature. Primal human nature is often seen in the lower three chakras where the main theme of these chakras is survival, self-preservation, and reproduction. Those who are on the lower rung of the ladder behave in more primitive ways because that’s their state of consciousness. We can look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs as a depiction of consciousness. As people develop and move up this ladder, they change their values and behaviors, and they seek out different things. People who are on the lower end of the ladder tend to see success as something that is based on money, and fame and status, but as people move up in the ladder, they can see that success is self-actualization. A person who is self-competent, in tune with his purpose and finding fulfillment through service of some kind is what we should strive to become, not something that is based solely on material success.
To the person who is seeking a meaningful connection with another human being he must be wary of falling into the traps of a more primitive thinking. It not only could lead him to pursue the wrong people, but it could also lead to him cutting off his potential. When looking for a partner one must think about where that person is in their self-developmental journey, if they have similar values and if they seek a relationship based on growth.
Limitations of the Red Pill Philosophy
The reason I state that Red Pill is primitive is because the human being is a complex being, and material wealth is not the only thing that people will pursue. To state that women are motivated by hypergamy is to state only a partial truth. As stated before, the hypergamist perspective is relevant only to those whose main focus is driven by the lower three chakras. To have more accurate description of the things that motivate a human being, we have to be able to look at the full spectrum. The upper four chakras are more concerned with love, fulfillment, and self-actualization.
The lower 3 chakras can also be represented as the lower self in esoteric psychology. The lower self usually has a strong hold over us in the earlier years as we adapt to the physical experience. The lower self seeks to satisfy its desires. It seeks animal experiences to mature its animal self.
But as time passes and we mature, we tune into the more subtle aspects of life and begin to tune into the higher self. Each one of us has a higher self, a soul, that has a different purpose than the lower self. The higher self is centered around service. The higher self does not seek partnership for the sake of pleasure, but for the sake of service. The goal of a partnership is then centered around growth and responsibility. The conversation of the soul is often left out nowadays and people assume that we are just animals with the satisfaction of our desires being the main reason behind our existence. Such an outlook is often the cause of a lot of the mainstream theories and the red pill philosophy is another one of those theories. It does not teach men about women’s nature, it teaches people about human’s animal nature, which is not the complete depiction of human nature.
Another thing that I observed about the Red Pill community is its emphasis on the Warrior archetype. I have seen that a lot of the men in the red pill community glorify Andrew Tate and the Warrior archetype. I often see an overcompensation of the warrior archetype due to its absence in the relationship. The warrior is detached, purpose-driven and assertive and it so happens to be that warrior archetypes are usually absent before a breakup. Men don’t realize that this part of then wasn’t being used and so they hear someone describe aspects of the warrior and it really sounds like something they’ve been missing all their life. This is where you see the common story of the guy hitting the gym after a breakup. The gym is one of the most popular places for development of the warrior archetype.
Andrew Tate is a prime example of someone who has been overtaken by the warrior archetype. His primary objective is achievement. He sees life as a competition and there is always a fight or something to overcome. But there is a downfall with people who have an over-reliance on the warrior archetype – they struggle to be present. They are constantly on the go, and don’t have time for feelings. Being present with oneself is a very important trait to have as it allows for the full expression of the masculine. Man has to be able to be fully with himself before he could expect anybody else to be fully with him.
Broadening Perspectives and Recognizing Universal Principles
To people seeking a rich, fulfilling connection with someone else, they have to understand that this is something that requires an equally deep understanding of oneself. In order for people to get to the point where they truly want a relationship based on fulfillment, they have to develop themselves to that point of self-understanding and reception towards their higher self. Such a process cannot be rushed, and one has to get there first before they could find that in someone else. So, the common issues often mentioned in the social media about “men being this” and “women being that” shouldn’t even be an issue that’s discussed because the main problem is whether a person is emotionally intelligent enough to handle a deep, vulnerable and growth-oriented relationship. I really think the conversation should be about creating a relationship with oneself, and you do that by learning about these concepts: purpose, masculine and feminine, the 4 archetypes and the higher and lower self.
Most of the issues with relationships often happen because of issues with oneself. So when discussing sexual dynamics, we have to realize that it’s a very small part as to why relationships don’t end up working out. When speaking about relationships we have to discuss a more holistic approach which includes the importance of self-realization and self-awareness or else the model will be incomplete.
Another thing that bothers me is the fact that the concept of the Red Pill is taken from the movie the Matrix and yet the Red Pill community does not reflect the concept very well. The concept of The Red PIll is supposed to symbolize a spiritual awakening. It is an awakening to one’s own power and the truth and is meant to be a concept that pushes people to look inwards instead of the outside world. But instead, the Red Pill community paints women in a negative light and pushes for achievements and status more than it pushes for self-understanding.
Such models can be found in depth psychology and spiritual teachings. Some great resources for such teachings include the works of Carl Jung, Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, David Deida’s books – the Way of the Superior Man and Intimate Communion, Robert Moore’s book – King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, and Alice Bailey’s Esoteric Psychology. These are just few books and resources that have come in very handy to understanding myself and have allowed me to attract a great woman into my life. I will be going more in depth into all of the psychological and spiritual concepts that can help people get to the root of themselves and create a life they love.